The least interesting of blogs (for now)

Fine people of the internet, a riddle: What's up with Freakin Andy? About 5 months ago, Andy started to write his very own blog entry. Probably to defend himself from the verbal onslaught I've unleashed upon him. He never finished it. I believe the rest of the blog best suits my agenda if I let Andy just go ahead and speak for himself:

Hello. My name is Andy. No one reads this blog (yet....we hope). I'll save introductions for later.
So you probably have read (actually you probably haven't) Nathan's blog(s) below.  If you did, you learned a lot about bears.  If you didn't, you probably should. The end is near.

(C)aaaAAAaaandy Maaaaan!

Thanks, Andy. God bless.

Nathan Jackson

Stalwarts of Gombler: Yukon Cornelius

Please, consider the following:

I have spread my dreams under your feet, tread softly for you tread on my dreams. - W.B. Yeats

This fog's as thick as peanut butter! - Yukon Cornelius

Thank you.

Let us transcend now into an appreciative countenance as we reflect on those people, places, things, and cryptids that are frequently brought up in conversation amongst the Gombler team and more or less waste everyone's not-so-precious time. This particular revolution about the earth's axis brings us the curious case of Cornelius comma Yukon. Cut to picture.

That's the fellow.

Born to a family of little means in the tiny town of Bissett, Canada, Yukon dropped out of school at a young age. He spent his teenage years working the clay part-time at a brickyard (an occupation he would later reflect on as "ironic") and running peppermint for the local crime lord known only as "The Candy Man". Unbeknownst to both Yukon and the Candy Man, they would become responsible for the town's hendiadys moniker of "Vigor and Verve", respectively.

Yukon soon discovered that those employed by the Candy Man, were owned by the Candy Man. Yukon's parents, Klondike and Saskatchewan, fell ill shortly after Yukon's 17th birthday.  As the medical bills piled up, Yukon had no choice but to accept the Candy Man's seemingly generous offer of financial help. Predictably, once his parents had recovered, the Candy Man kidnapped them both in the middle of the Canadian night (around 2:30 PM), leaving only a note scribbled on a Tootsie Roll wrapper demanding 2.5 million troy ounces of gold and 3.5 million troy ounces silver bullion in exchange for his parents' lives.

At his wit's end, the normally bombastic Yukon quietly left Bissett the next morning about two months later to begin a career in the booming field of acting. Taking the screen name "John Candy" on orders from his new master, Yukon soon became a star. Illustrate.

John "Yukon Cornelius" Candy

 

After 21 years of  sending his earnings to the Candy Man to pay for extensions on his parents' lives, Yukon realized that because he was paid in Canadian dollars, he would never be able to come up with enough money to buy the precious metals as an actor. The author opines that perhaps it took Yukon 21 years to figure this out because he dropped out of school at a young age. Thusly and righteously, Yukon proceeded to feign his own death by heart attack and, acting on a hot tip from an old prospector, turned to prospecting the deep north for the gold and silver he so desperately needed. Image, as an imperative.

That's the chap.

 

You know the rest of the story. We've all heard the heartwarming tale of Yukon Cornelius' adventures with his rowdy friends in the snowcapped mountains closest to the North Pole. It is this author and his associated company's position that a little bit of Yukon Cornelius lives in all of us. Every time a man puts off shaving his face out of laziness, somewhere Yukon Cornelius is smiling.

Nathan Jackson

Feynman, a Fine Man

Before Richard Feynman was anybody of note, he was given the task to audit the progress of what would eventually become a uranium enrichment facility. It was the beginning of the Manhattan Project, and Feynman had no idea what he was doing. His first day into the audit, several high ranking military officers threw down technical drawings in front of him and, assuming, correctly, that Feynman was a genius, described in detail how this incredibly complex facility operated. Feynman was completely lost. He was a physicist, not an engineer. What were all these symbols? Are those boxes valves or windows? Suddenly, the army generals were finished speaking. "Do you have any questions or see anything we can improve on, Mr. Feynman?" 24 year old and incredibly handsome Feynman pretended to concentrate on a particular drawing. How could he find out if they were windows or valves without betraying his ignorance? So, he put his finger on one of the enigmatic boxes and announced "Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?"

And that's the story of how Sir Ricardo Suave Feynman, Esq. got laid every day of his life.

Hey what's on your sweater already? Oh, that's just mom's spaghetti.

"Feynman, a Fine Man" is an ongoing effort by the Gombler staff to compulsively obsess over Richard Feynman and his influence on contemporary lyrics.